What Is My Why?

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I’ve finally seen the end of my time in school after saying goodbye to the two years I’ve just spent in Sixth Form.Suffice to say, it’sbeen two of the hardest years of my life so far. It’s been a time where I’ve questioned a lot about myself and what I’ve been doing and whilst questioning those things, I’ve also had to try and find the answer.

I don’t think there are many people out there who could say that A Levels aren’t difficult. They’ve taken everything out of me, worn me out, kicked me down when I thought it couldn’t get worse and have made mewonder if university was even going to be worth it. My first year was my worst,the run up to my AS Level exams isn’t something I like to remember, there were a lot of tears that would leave me hyperventilating, sleepless nights and just feeling completely lost.
The one thing that I kept asking myself is “Why am I doing this?” Why was I putting myself through all of stress and aggravation? Was I really going to gain anything out of it? Because if you have nothing worth fighting for, there really is no point. And that was the question that I needed to answer because I knew once I found my answer to that, I would find a reason to push on. I would find a reason to get through the tears and the doubt and it would remind me that there was something I was doing all of this for.
My main reason is and always has been my family. I work hard and try to do my best for them. I was blessed to be brought up with a family that has never expected anything from me. They’ve never once told me that I need to get straight As or that I need to have a certain job because that’s how I’ll make the most money. They’ve never asked anything from me. All they’ve wanted is for me to be happy but that’s the entire reason that I’ve wanted to be able to give back to them. So, that my parents can live comfortably as they grow older without having so much to worry about. So, that I can treat my sister to a holiday abroad where she can just relax. Just to make them proud, even though I know they always are.
But I know that my “why” is me as well. To prove something to the people who thought that I wouldn’t get as far as I have. I want to be able to prove myself wrong. Show myself that I’m so much stronger than I thought I was and I can do more than I thought was possible. I want to push my boundaries and end up doing something I’ll love.
Sixth Form taught me a lot about a syllabus an examiner could test me on but it’s also made me realise why I do half of the things I do in my life and for that, I’m pretty thankful.

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